Category: Uncategorized

Posted on

Truth Hidden Under the Christmas Tree

Christmas tree

I love Christmas.  It is really important to me.  Not unlike a baton, it’s full of traditions that remind us of who we are and where we came from, and it’s meant to be passed on to generations that follow.  I have such fond memories of Christmas Eve with my cousins – the cream cheese dip, the popcorn balls, the kids table at dinner, the olives on the tips of our fingers (OK…so we had whacky traditions) and especially midnight Christmas Eve services.  That’s why I want to take good care of Christmas here in my home so that my children can pass those traditions and memories that they choose to cherish, along with new ones they make in their own homes on to my grand kids.  That might be why I love to decorate our house in a festive way (10 Christmas boxes in the shed….really Kris?) and put up garland and hang lights on my tree.

Christmas day is right around the corner and the traditions are in full swing in the Glass house and I’m quite the busy bee.  As usual, Christmas music started playing in our home in mid-November (ummm…well really it started in late October but I don’t want you “early Christmas” haters to judge me), the tree was bought, lights and décor went up the first week of December, the baking has begun, and the finding or making of gifts for friends and family becomes my quest as I hurry and scurry to make sure I have all my bases covered.

I can remember Christmases growing up in Southern California when I was a little girl, where I would arrange all my gifts neatly into a pile on my bed after all the presents were opened.  It was always a smaller pile than I had hoped (that’s cuz I was a selfish little girl always looking for affirmation through gifts) but it was mine nonetheless.  Christmas, in spite of the joy and excitement, was always a little bit of a disappointment when it was over because the gifts ran out. Once that last gift was opened then there was nothing left of the excitement of Christmas.  Maybe, just maybe, my young heart was focusing on the wrong things?

Not everyone loves the whole gift giving schtick. Some (who shall remain nameless) have become cynical about all the gift giving because of all the over-commercialization of Christmas.  But as always, there is truth hidden in the bright lights and colorful boxes and the crowds of shoppers at the mall.  Me…I get a charge out of the crowds and the traffic at the mall.  It’s part of the experience.  But I realize not everyone has my whacky sense of adventure.  And where did all this gift-giving come from anyway?  Was it an evil plot of Sears Roebuck or Montgomery Wards in the 40’s?  Or is God really hidden somewhere in all these traditions?  Well, He did give us the most perfect gift for all seasons – the gift that brought light to the world and forgiveness of sins. But it doesn’t stop there.  His is a gift that keeps on giving.  It keeps on giving because His life is born in all who believe, and His presence in the world is re-gifted by the spiritual gifts that He gives all believers and by which we use (or should be using) to reach out to those around us.

A favorite author of mine, John Fischer wrote, “Think about it – there’s a big beautifully wrapped box that arrives for each one of us from God Himself – a personal gift with our name on it.  Inside is a special gifting through which we can touch the people around us by way of the words we say and the things we do.  It’s called our “spiritual gift” but it’s really a kind of gifting which enables us to do something for someone else.  This puts  a whole new slant on gifts, whatever the season.”

The cool thing about God’s gift to us is that it helps us become selfless receivers and selfless givers.  This is part of the scandalous grace I’m learning about.  His gift enables us to turn around and enrich others.  And God’s gift to us is just as attractive as the packages hidden under my brightly lit tree.  They come wrapped in mercy, faith, encouragement, wisdom, knowledge, healing and discernment and they flow out of the brightly colored packages we unwrap every day from our Father.  These are not gifts we pile up on our bed and admire.  These are gifts that reflect the life of Christ in us….kind of like the bright lights on our tree and the packages underneath it.  And they keep on giving for the rest of our lives, as long as we use them, even after the bright lights of Christmas burn out and the wrapping paper on the living room floor has been taken out to the dumpster.

This holiday season I’m going to try to share truth and be a bright light to those around me.  I’m going to think about giving gifts that will warm someone’s heart. Gifts that come from my heart and that keep giving all year long.  Patience.  Time.  Attention.  Trust.  Love.  Forgiveness.  Grace.  And I’m going to be just as intentional about gracefully receiving those as well.

Happy gift giving and receiving!

Posted on

Christmas Lists

Xmas list

I’m such a list person.  I make lists for everything; it gives me a sense of being organized.  Hah!…who am I kidding?   In reality…lists keep me sane. There’s something spiritual about making lists with little boxes and then checking them off when you accomplish something.  No, actually, that might actually fall under the “works” category.  Anyway, I find great fulfillment when I can check off my boxes and cross off a list.  Now that the holidays are here I’ve started making all sorts of lists; gift lists, Christmas card lists, party lists, cleaning lists, dinner lists, and event lists.  I’m in list heaven.

As far as gift lists are concerned, I’ve made my gift giving list, checked it once or twice, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s more blessed to give than to receive.  Not only more blessed, but more fun and way cooler.  And way more rewarding.  I didn’t always think this way, since one of my “love languages” is the receiving of gifts. I like presents….a lot!  I’m not ashamed to admit it.  It use to make me feel loved, but as I’ve let Christ take center stage in my life the need for affirmation through others gifts has faded.  Lately, I’m beginning to enjoy it backwards.  When I think of the favorite gift I give this year, and then compare it to the favorite gift I will receive I’m quite sure the one I give will bring me greater joy.

I think giving is one of the things that gives purpose to our lives.  A certain carpenter reminds us that it might be really great if we were to carry over some of the giving that we experience this holiday season in His honor, and see how we can incorporate more of that purpose and thought into our daily lives – keeping in mind that giving is an attitude.  It doesn’t always have to be a material gift with a price tag on it.  It can be the gift of our time or talents, sometimes our grace and forgiveness…even our thoughts and prayers.

If there were any value in the commercialism of Christmas it would be this – that giving far outweighs receiving.  It’s spiritual!  It gets us thinking about what someone else might like for a change, and it gets us into the selfless giving mode. We spend our money on someone else.  We take the time to make something special for them from our heart. We step into someone else’s life.  We make someone else important. Whenever we give we are taking part in the very nature of God.  It isn’t natural for us as humans to give; rather it is completely God-like.  After all, God was the first gift giver.  I know…that sounds very Christianese…but I just can’t help it.  It’s CHRISTmas for crying out loud!

Being reminded every year of the joy and value of unselfish giving is a great gift in-of-itself to all of us.  It’s the heart of the Christmas season that’s well worth carrying on into next year.  Our nature tells us that the more we hold onto, the more we will have but its really the opposite that is true.  Whether it’s money, or time, or love, or forgiveness…the more we give away the fuller and richer our lives will be.  That’s grace for you…getting something wonderful back that you never expected by giving something (and sometimes it’s undeserved) to someone else.  Do you know someone who needs something from you that they don’t deserve?

Wouldn’t it be just revolutionary if we could think about the joy that giving brings this Christmas and look for ways we can carry that spirit on into the New Year?  Maybe we shouldn’t stop making lists.  It might keep us thinking along the lines of what others need…maybe forgiveness.  Maybe grace.

Knowing that I love gifts, here’s what I want for Christmas:…more reems of paper!  I’m gonna need a lot more of it for all my lists next year!  Either that…or maybe an iPad (hint hint).

Happy list making!

Posted on

Three Things

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, I’m thinking on things I’m thankful for as I journey through my week.  That’s a bit contrary to what my normal bent is – I tend to want to focus on what’s wrong with my little world but I’m learning that a thankful heart opens doors to learning new and wonderful things about myself.  As Sarah Young says…”it takes the sting out of adversity”….and it “opens your heart to God’s presence and your mind to God’s thoughts.”   Now that’s the place I want to be.

I wasn’t brought up in a home that communicated thankfulness, or the importance of family or relationship. It was more focused on performance and success, so I had to learn those things by watching other positive examples in my life.  So to think on things I’m grateful for is something I have to practice intentionally now.  I’m not always great at it.  But just like the practice of occupying my mind with things to be thankful for helps my negative thoughts weaken and the positive to flow  more richly….the same goes for appreciating the people around my table this Thanksgiving.

My friend Sara is such a great encourager.  She is at least 20 years younger than me, completely opposite from me on the personality charts, has 2 small children and is always such a shining example to me of what a kind word can do for someone’s heart.  She once gave me a note that said “Three Things I Love About You” on it…and then she listed some lofty and sometimes undeserving words about me.   They were….

  1. You always make people feel welcome.  Just your smile and enthusiasm make people feel loved.      (OK…I’ll give her that)
  2. You are honest.  There is nothing about you that is false or fake.  You don’t try to be someone you are not.     (After a brief period of my life where most of it was a lie…I decided to try another route.  It’s not always what people love about me – what you see is what you get.)
  3. You really want to serve.  You seek ways to care for people and to engage with others.  It is not a surface “how can I make this easy for me ” attitude.  It is a “how can I extend myself for others” attitude.   (I’m not sure we’re talking about the same person, but I’ll take it!)

As I was maneuvering my way through motherhood I pride-fully thought that I was a pretty awesome mom when my kids were small.  It wasn’t until Sara told me that she tries to tell her kids every day three things that she loves about them that I thought…OUCH…gee, I could have done so much better.  God loves to shoot holes in my pride now and then.  Can you imagine how different our world would be if we all practiced telling our friends and family members three things we love about them every day?  Or even every week?  Even if we ‘d rather hammer them with the ugly stuff?  Now that’s grace.

Maybe as you sit around the table this Thanksgiving…along with passing the turkey and the giblets you might pass around a few positive thoughts by saying Three Things You Love about everyone around the table.  It’s the language of love, and everyone needs a scoopful of that on Thanksgiving.  Go ahead…give it a try – and let me know how it goes.

Posted on

Cell Phone Case Grace

This falls under the heading of “Some of my classic flub ups”….. or “Lessons learned about how much I still need to learn about grace”.

I recently got a new iPhone and decided I needed a better protective case.  I’m known for setting my phone on chairs – the arms or seats – and knocking them off accidentally and cracking the screen. I’ve probably had to have my friend Matt replace at least 3 glass screens, so I found a website called Zazzle that has a variety of products, but they also make personalized cell phone covers.  So I poked around and decided to order one that I could create myself with a personal photo on the front.  Even better, I could write whatever I wanted on it, so I came up with a take off of the “Keep Calm and Carry On” phrase created by the British in 1939 for motivational posters for World War II  (that were never used and were re-discovered in a box at auction in 2000) and I created a work of art that says “Keep Calm and Offer Grace“.  Get it?  I blog about grace!  I write about how people should give grace to one another.  Aren’t I clever?  And won’t people be so impressed that I do?  And won’t people think I’m so good at offering grace to others?  Yeah, well….wait till you hear the rest of the story!

Shortly after that, my cell phone case arrived and to my dismay the words were off center to the left.  Ugh.  I told you about how linear I am, and it was unacceptable to me that the words weren’t perfectly centered.   I blame my dad – he was a mechanical engineer, had perfect printing, and had I known when I was young that I would have his neurotic linear-ness I would have made a great architect.  So I called customer service at Zazzle to hold them accountable to their 100% Satisfaction Guarantee and can you believe it…they completely took responsibility and said they would fix the problem and send me a new cell phone case at no cost to me.  I was impressed.

Within a few days I received my 2nd cell phone case in the mail….and guess what?  It was exactly like the first one….off center to the left.  Double ugh!  Well….I was going to get to the bottom of this!   So I called back and spoke to Megan in Customer Service. She was a delightful and helpful gal, and she was able to dig a little deeper and found that the way I had designed my cover had actually left some residual designs on the outskirts of the design area which pushed up against my design and affected the margins and kicked the words off to the left.  It wasn’t anything I could see in the proof, but it was there underneath the design.  Hmmm…..this was awkward.  I certainly didn’t want to have to take any responsibility for the fact that my design might have caused the lopsided finished product, so I asked her why the first customer service rep had not dug deeper and found the issue?  See how masterfully I placed the blame on someone else?  Oh brother.  When she readily agreed and said “that certainly wasn’t very professional of us” I jumped at that opportunity to tell her that I wanted them to correct the issue and send me another corrected case.  This would be No. 3 this time.

Let me just say again that Megan was kind and caring in how she spoke to me.   Even grace-filled.  I’d even venture a bet that she might be a believer because of the gracious way she spoke and showed grace.   Not that every grace-filled person on the planet has to be a Christian…its just that we’re supposed to be better at it, aren’t we?  Well, I wasn’t feeling so gracious when she said the words “I wouldn’t feel good about just sending you a new replacement……”   (WHAT?)… I didn’t even let her finish her sentence!  WHAMO!….and with the picture of my beautifully designed cell phone cover staring me in the face on the computer screen in front of me……

Cell Phone case

….I cut her off mid-sentence and said…..”well then I want to talk to your supervisor!…or the President of the company!”   I mean I was entitled, wasn’t I?  As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, it’s as if those pious words on my cell phone cover started flashing like a neon sign in my face and all of a sudden it hit me that I was such a hypocrite….talking and advertising grace….and yet being so unwilling to practice it if my rights weren’t upheld.  Sigh.  My ugliness was staring me in the face.

What makes it worse is that Megan gently and tactfully (and way more grace-filled than me) said to me….”if you’d be OK with me finishing my thought, I’d like to tell you that I think the best way to handle this is to give you a credit to your account, and then I’ll just reorder it.  There will be no cost to you.”  Oh thanks Megan!…make me feel even worse about my hypocrisy.  Triple ugh.  Don’t you hate it when people are nice to you (grace) when you’re snarky to them?

Sometimes I think that’s all a part of learning grace.  Crashing and burning and watching others offer it to you when you are so undeserving.  That’s who and what I was.  Undeserving of grace, and yet Megan was a perfect example of God’s grace to me.  I am so underserving of it.  And yet….he offers it to me even when I argue my rights.

So if you see my cell phone case you’ll know how undeserving I am of all that it represents.  All that I blog about.  But it’s still what I’m committed to learning more about and getting to the bottom of – trying to get better at showing it to others around me each day. And thanks Megan for showing me cell phone case grace.

Posted on

Celebrations of Childlikeness

I’m the only middle-aged gal I know who still runs her shopping cart into the parking lot at Walmart, jumps on the rails and rides it all the way to the car.  It’s one of my celebrations of life and in order to grow and learn about grace I’m finding that I sometimes have to return to childlike ways.  Like singing into my hairbrush microphone.  Or jumping on the bed when I stay at a hotel.  Or blowing bubbles in your chocolate milk.  Or having marshmallow fights with my husband. They are practices that I embrace and refuse to let go of because they remind me of a time when I wasn’t expected to act a certain way.  And they remind me that sometimes I just need to return to that childlike place in other areas of my life.

When I was young I was desperately trying to figure out where I fit in the world and then find acceptable ways to seek love and the attention that I so desperately craved.  I quickly learned that if I was “funny” then people accepted me, so I resorted to humor to gain affection.  My parents thought I was incredibly immature.  They were right.  And I’m pretty sure that my siblings thought my faith in a God that I couldn’t see, touch or feel was childish.  But approaching God in that way was the simplest way that I could – not over thinking it and with a childlike trust.  When I stopped trying to look at faith through an academic lens, not over think it, and come to the place in my life where I didn’t necessarily have to have all the answers to all the big questions…then I was able to trust in the one who created me.  It was that simple.

Sometimes our lives become routines of deeds and doing and working.  Our little life box where we’re safe. But if someone asked you to take a step back and find your childlike trust – well that’s easier said than done.  There are walls and defenses that we’ve learned to put up over the years to manufacture a wiser and more mature version of “you” that would have to be climbed over.  Yikes.  Is it too much work?  It’s do-able, but it’s all a matter of trust.

When was the first time we learned to trust?  I think as a baby we really didn’t have any choice and we learned to trust our parents for our basic needs.  For most of us they were our first comforters, our safety, our providers.  They were God’s example to us as children of how we were supposed to be cared for.  Not everyone had good experiences in that area –  I’m sorry if yours was not.  But now that we’re adults we need to figure out the balance between our adult selves, and relying on our childlike faith (before any baggage infiltrated our lives) and to seek out the one who originally gave us to our parents.   So for me, I’m learning to reject some childish ways, like the way I sought after love and acceptance, and still find that childlike trust.  I think it’s still OK to jump on the bed though.

Do you ever think about how hard it must have been for our Father to release us into the care of our earthly parents ?   I thought it was hard to release my children when they were first born back to God’s ultimate care.  I had to take a backseat and just be their caretaker for a season, and I’m such a backseat driver!   Then when they grew up and left home, again, it was heart wrenching to trust God to care for them.  I so want to take the wheel again.  So I think about how much harder it must have been for God when he placed them in my arms and put them in my care.  There was so much room for human error.  Would I be good enough?

I oftentimes struggle with thinking I’m not good enough or smart enough to be a theologian.  I’m just a simple gal who has simple thoughts but who is pretty introspective about life, love and faith issues.  But simple people who have simple thoughts matter to God.

My heart is not proud, Lord,  my eyes are not haughty;  I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.     

But I have calmed and quieted myself,  I am like a weaned child with its mother;  like a weaned child I am content.

Psalm 131: 1-2

So I’m at a place where I’ve calmed my fears about not being good enough to have something valuable to say, and so I blog.  I do it for me, and I do it to honor the one who created me.  And I’m content with who I am, knowing that the one who cares for me is on the job 24/7 doing just that.  That’s so grace!  And I want to know more about him and the grace he offers.

Whether you’d like to admit it, we all have built into our DNA an intuitive desire and need to know the one who created us.  For whatever reason some of us deny that and say that we don’t.  Or we suppress it and shout louder than it’s call to our heart.  But nevertheless it’s there.  The one who created and designed us made that as a default in each and everyone of our hearts – a yearning to know the one who created you.

So I think having a childlike mindset when it comes to how I live my life makes me more open to the simple things of life.  Like trusting.  Like accepting.  Like receiving.  Like being willing to embrace grace and admit that I have a lot to learn about practicing it.  Like riding the rails of the shopping cart or jumping on the hotel bed.  When was the last time you practiced childlikeness and did any of those things?  That’s your assignment for today.  Let loose and be childlike with your trust, with your grace, and with singing into your hairbrush.  ROCK ON!

Posted on

“It”

I knew I’d have to write about this someday.  In thinking about this title I thought about calling it The Always Distracted Dane (cuz I’m Danish).  Or A Disturbing Dilemma.  Or Another Distracted Dynamo.  Some clever and catchy acronym for what I would consider to be the painful thorn in my flesh that I believe the One who created me has graciously allowed me to walk this life with.

“So to keep me from becoming proud, God allowed me to be given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from the evil one to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.”

~ 2 Corinthians 12:7

 However you want to describe it, all those titles describe one of the most frustrating issues that I have had to deal with in my life. But on the flip side it also has been the most eye-opening into who I am as a person, and it has been a rich blessing for which I am grateful for as it has helped shape my life and had much to do with the person God has molded me into today.

It’s medical diagnosis is A.D.D. or more accurately Attention Deficit Disorder.  I’m not sure how I feel about having a “condition”…or a “disorder”…but if it helps others learn to walk through life with it I’m all on board!

I love a good story.  The interesting part of my story is that I didn’t get a diagnosis until I was in my 50’s – for which I am thankful – when I thought my son had ADD and was I doing research and trying to find a way to break it to him that he was “special”.  A dear distant cousin (who is also an RN and wouldn’t just jump on the ADD bandwagon at the drop of the hat) shared with me her journey with ADD and how it affected her children, and little by little it began to dawn on me that in reality, I was actually the one who had the disorder as well.  I am so grateful to her for helping me come to that place.  Now I know that I’m special.  🙂

Growing up I was labeled “the dreamer” in the family – never really coming down to earth.  Some in my family might have attributed my faith as falling under that dreamer heading – believing in something intangible – being so optimistic about life when I was expected to be mature and realize that life wasn’t a rose garden and how could there be a God who created us and yet allowed so much pain.  I actually really like being optimistic – I think it has kept me young.  But I was also the goofball – looking for validation through humor and fun because I couldn’t really settle down and focus on anything else.

Very few people even knew what ADD was in the 70’s when I was finishing high school and heading off to college, and I think had I known about “it” I might have used “it” as an excuse to live a less driven life.  What did happen was that “it” ticked me off so much that I took on the attitude that I wasn’t going to let “it” (whatever “it” was) define my life so I strove to teach myself skills that would help me function well in life.  I drove myself to be the best I could be – yet knowing I had limitations, and to be happy with the results.  I guess you might call it making the most of what I had.

During high school I did well in school – keeping a 3.6 gpa but having to work harder than most.  I had tutors when I needed them, and I was a visual learner.  Once I entered college and had bigger responsibilities “it” came crashing down over me.  “It” was like the elephant in the room – knowing something was there and wrong with me but that couldn’t be identified, which by the way made me feel like my elevator wasn’t going all the way to the top floor.  The best way I can describe “it” is to say my life was fuzzy….out of focus….and unclear. “It” was a shame that I carried with me all of my adult life and one that I didn’t talk about to many people.  I didn’t want to admit that there was something wrong with me and because I couldn’t identify “it” I tried to ignore “it” and pretend that “it” wasn’t there.  The effects of “it” forced me to drop out of college and I returned home with my tail between my legs.

Knowing I would eventually have to write about this, I recently went back and looked through my journals from my college+ years and found that, unbeknownst to me at the time I was very aware of my condition and referred to “it” many times in my journals as a cloud that I felt hanging over my head.  And just to clarify…I’m not talking about the kind of cloud where you store all your digital information somewhere akin to Heaven.  No…it was more like a cloud that settled around my head that I couldn’t see through.  It would be 30 years before I would find out what that cloud was.

Had there been a diagnosis for ADD back in the 70″s I probably wouldn’t have wanted to be labeled with it either, or I might have used it as a crutch or excuse for my lack of motivation.  So I see God’s providence in His timing in revealing it to me as a gracious gift….notice the root word comes from a place of  grace.  God holding off with the truth until I was best ready to receive it.

Depression was “its” partner – how could it not be when you are constantly doubting yourself – trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with you – paddling like crazy beneath the surface trying to appear like you have it all together when you know you really don’t.  But because of my tenacity and faith in God I chose not to let “it” rule my life.  I taught myself skills to survive and excel in life, and people never knew of the shame that part of my life carried with it.  I learned to compensate for areas where I was weakest and learned to use my strengths to my advantage. That’s not to say there weren’t huge identity and personality things to figure out…but that was all a part of my journey.  I’m not gonna lie – it did affect my life in so many ways, as I recognize when I occasionally play back the movie reel of my life now and then since my diagnosis.

The good news is that it has been absolutely freeing to find out “its” name a few years ago as it signaled – at least to my own heart – that I was not a failure, that there had been a reason for my struggles.  Most of all it validated what I knew all along – that I wasn’t crazy. Well, at least not medically.  If you know me at all you know I definitely have a little of crazy in me, but I’m proud that I’ve actually been quite successful in life walking hand-in-hand with ADD.  Uh oh….there’s that pride thing again – the reason God allowed me to have ADD so that I wouldn’t become prideful!  Ugh….its a vicious cycle!  I still have so much to learn.

One of the most frequently asked questions I’ve gotten since being diagnosed is whether I take medication.  The first few years after learning I had ADD my answer was “no…but if I were going back to school and had to read textbooks without feeling the crippling pressure to focus and take in a huge textbook in a short amount of time, maybe.”   In the past year my answer has changed to “yes…I do take medication“.

Just over a year ago I began to experience some of the same symptoms I felt overwhelming me in college.  Besides the basic distractive nature of ADD, the typical demands of life can be overwhelming.  18 months ago I started noticing that with all the balls I was trying to keep in the air with work, being a wife and mom, running a household, and the greater the demand on my abilities to organize, focus, and remain calm….I was beginning to feel panicky.  It reminded me of the feelings I had in college and it frightened me.

After a little research, I realized that being an athlete is like self-medicating your condition.  Exercise is one of the best medicines for ADD and I had always remained very active as an adult playing competitive softball, biking, golfing and walking.  However, the overwhelming feelings that had resurfaced coincided with the time in my life where I had begun to slow down a bit and wasn’t quite as active with my sports.  In essence, my  dosage of self-medication was now dwindling and so the overwhelming emotions began to return.  So in conjunction with my doctor I now take a low dose of medication that seems to work for me.  I describe it’s result as taking a camera lens and bringing everything into focus – and I’m able to keep those feelings and emotions in check.

My story has a very happy ending…but its not without it’s critics.  Not everyone wants to embrace my diagnosis and have (as my mom use to say) “poo poo’d” it and have said to me “you don’t have ADD…everyone is distracted”.  I’ll admit that hurts.  I agree that it’s good not to jump on the ADD bandwagon and use it as an easy way out for laziness or for a lack of motivation.  It’s true that everyone is distracted at some point – especially with the world of technology that we live in today – and it’s good to be discerning about the latest diagnosis that comes down the pike.  But my encouragement to you if you have a loved one that either has, or might have ADD is to learn all you can about the condition.  Don’t make them feel less than validated as a person because of your lack of knowledge.

(For some suggestions of books that helped me understand ADD better, check out the “Good Reads” section of my blog).

So “it” has shaped who I am – but it doesn’t define who I am.  God does that for me.  His grace is enough for me for today – His grace was enough for me 30 years ago.  His grace in the diagnosis – His grace in the truth – His grace for my sweet parents who had trouble understanding their little girl ~ His grace for my husband as he has walked through a distracted marriage not always feeling he had all my attention – His grace for my sweet son as he tries to figure out the part ADD plays in his life – His grace for my family and friends as they love me and all my whacky ways – His grace for people who ridicule me – His grace for tomorrow.  Maybe His grace is enough for you and what the “it” is in your life?

 

Here are a few myths and facts about ADD that might help you understand and encourage those around you who might have ADD:

ADD myths

Posted on

The ROOTing of All Evil

It’s here!  It’s here!….it’s finally here!  I’ve waited eight months for it. What am I talking about?  Well, football season, of course!

I’m not your typical chick, nor your typical middle-aged church lady for that matter.  I’m a HUGE football fan and if you take it one step further….I love me my San Francisco 49ers.  I go to as many games as I can find wealthy friends that have tickets, and I watch faithfully every Sunday afternoon.   Since Salsa guy and I are polar opposites he is the one in the kitchen making something yummy and I’m the one planted in front of the TV with my cold beverage and Lil’ Smokies by my side.  If I can’t watch, I record the game and turn off the ESPN updates on my phone and I make my friends and family promise they won’t text me any updates on the game.  That happened once….ugh!

I am sinfully proud of the red and gold, and this time of year I change my Facebook page photo to the one of me with the black under my eyes and my 49er jersey on and my No. 1 Fan finger.

Niner Fan

I love a good wager on a game – usually chocolate chip cookies or fresh salsa.   A little ridiculous, huh?  I once bet a friend up in Seattle that the Niners would whoop the Seahawks and the wager was that the loser had to take a picture of themselves in the opposing team’s jersey and post it on Facebook.  I looked pretty awful in Seattle’s colors.

My new boss Matt (a pastor mind you) says that he can fully embrace and support whatever local team represents the city he’s living in.  I find that disturbing.  It’s so Christian…. so “I can love anyone because of the love of Jesus“.  Really?  Where is your loyalty, man?  That’s akin to rooting for Goliath just because you’re from Gath.  Goliath was a bad dude and the Seahawks had to cheat to win the SuperBowl…so can you really say you’d root for them if you lived in the Pacific Northwest?  I think not!

As you can see my competiveness can get me into trouble.  I already can tell I’m going to have to apologize to Matt and I hate apologizing.  So I’ve learned that I have to keep a tight lid on my enthusiasm with rooting and try not to be too over zealous for the Niners because people get a little snarky about their football teams.  One wrong comment and you’re back in “Relationship 101” class where you’re reminded about the importance of nourishing and encouraging others around you.  Sigh. So I have to be careful how I navigate through relationships with those other fans around me….especially now that the Niners are doing so sucky lately.  Throw some egos and attitudes in the pot and you’ve got a perfect recipe for a team that’s tanking royally.  Come on Niners – you can do better than this!

My old pastor, DAG was a Green Bay Packers fan.  He came from Wisconsin and when he started this church in California he brought his team loyalty with him.  I can respect that.  He had a Packers football in his office (which I liked to switch out with a Niner ball) and we liked to tease each other about games over the years when they played one another.  I even bought him a Packers poncho when I was in Mexico on a Mission trip.  I actually really like Aaron Rodgers as a man of character and he makes funny commercials.  Plus the Packers are owned by their fans, I like their team colors (same as my college team) and the cheese heads make me laugh – its such a good visual to identify with.  But now I’m faced with a conundrum because I actually really like Seattle’s quarterback, Russell Wilson (oh, say it isn’t so!!) and as much as I hate that Seattle has more “W”s than “L”s when we go up against them….they have a QB who is a great leader on and off the field, and has a great testimony for Christ.  And plus…Seattle does have the coolest uniforms in the NFL – don’t judge me – I’m still a chick.  What am I to do?

As shocking as it is, I think I’ve figured out that for me football and rooting for a team is a great tool to build relationship with the people around me. It’s a great way to bring people together. We have people over to watch football all the time, and we feed them and that builds relationship with them. Great conversations happen in front of the TV while throwing back your favorite beverage and some chips and dip.  In fact, our Youth Group meets every other Monday during football season at different homes to watch Monday Night Football – sort of a football small group.  And my brother and I talk on the phone or text about the game every week which gives us a common thread and starts great conversations together.  Then there’s the neighbor across the street who will taunt us with his Dallas banner, and we’ll taunt back with our Niner banner.  Now those are the things that build relationship!  And even worse….I’ll often wager on a Niner game even when I know the Niners are going to get spanked all because its part of the relationship building process.  I guess I’m not above hanging my head when it’s to build relationship.  Is that a part of grace?

Growing up in So. California I was a loyal LA Rams fan (which tells you how old I am since they haven’t been in LA for 20 years) and I rooted like crazy for them.  I was also a Dodger fan…with a few Angel inklings and guess who I root for now?  Yep….the Giants and the A’s.  So I think if I moved to San Diego or Phoenix…I might just be able to embrace the Chargers or the Cardinals for the sake of relationship.  What?  Blasphemy! Does that mean that I’m not the loyal Niner fan that I thought I was?  Naw….I think I’ll always love the Niners, but grace tells me that I can be a hometown fan and root for the team where my family and friends are so that I can develop deeper relationships with them.

So as much as I hate to admit it…I think Matt has it right.  I think I too can be loyal to the local team because for me relationship is more important than if my team wins.  Grace for the team and grace for me and grace for other fans.  But between you and me, I think God might be a 49er fan.

Posted on

Pleasure in the Process

I often get inspiration from other people – whether it comes from a conversation, a book I’ve read, a podcast I’ve listened to, a video I’ve seen, a sermon I’ve heard, or a song that strikes a chord with me and I feel so touched that I have to write about what it means to me.  I come up with plenty of original and creative thoughts, but I’m so grateful for the ideas that come to me because of someone else’s touch on my life, and most of the time I don’t even know these people.  For instance, Sara Groves will write a song like Hello Lord, or Going Home and I’ll be so undone by the words and wonder how she got into my head and heart, lived my life and knew exactly how I felt!  Those words she wrote are MY exact same thoughts….I just didn’t know how to put them together in that way.

Today’s blog is inspired by an interview I saw recently by a young singer named Steffany Gretzinger who spoke about her inspiration for a new album she had recorded.  It was an amazing interview and hit right at the heart of where I believe I am in life.  The interview was about our “undoing“.  That’s where I am these days….in the process of being undone.  Undone of me, myself and I.  It doesn’t happen all at once simply because I like to hold on to all three of those very important people….at least in my own mind they’re pretty important.  There’s “me” again. Ugh.  How does “me” walk hand in hand with grace?  That, too, is part of the undoing.

You may have heard me say that this life of mine is a journey….a process.  Part of that journey is God’s process of undoing us until we are one day reunited with the One who created us – when all the scales have fallen off, the cords and knots wrapping us up have come untangled, and we are undone of ourselves.  Undone of our selfishness.  Undone of our brokenness. Undone of me, myself and I.  Undone of anything that gets in the way putting others first and glorifying the One who created me.  I assumed that would come at the end of my life but Steffany helped me realized that it’s an ongoing un-doneness – it doesn’t just happen when you come sliding in cleats up in the Promise Land.

Learning grace is part of my undoing.  I’ve learned that life lived is an undoing and life lived has seasons.  There will be seasons of brokenness, seasons of joy, seasons of despair, seasons of growth, seasons of being misunderstood, seasons of pleasure, seasons of transformation, and seasons of truth.  And during each season it will hurt when the BandAid peels away those ugly ME scabs with the undoing.  OUCH.  But God will lead us through this sometimes painful process of getting rid of all the things that constipate our life, and when we walk out the other side we will be rid of the ugliness that holds us back from great relationships and being great people, serving and blessing those around us.

Be patient with me – the stuff in this life that trips me up is just temporary.  The flaws you see in me will one day be undone…some sooner than others depending on how “me-ish” I am on a particular day.  At first the unraveling is hidden, but as God goes about the business of working all the kinks out gracefully and I’m being gently unwound all those temporary things will disappear and the eternal things that were born to be most apparent to others will be the only thing left in me after the undoing.

So there you have it.  I’m in the process of being unwound and undone.  If you see me spinning like a top and ugly things flying off – duck and get out of the way….and then throw your arms around me and whisper in my ear “there’s beauty in the process, Kris“.  And just that idea brings me great pleasure for the process that I’m in.  And thanks Steffany for showing me that the Promise Land is found IN the process…not at the end of it.

 

 

Posted on

Worship in Relationship

I sat down with a girlfriend the other day and we talked about our husbands.  Girlfriends do that, you know.  Sorry guys….but we use one another as sounding boards and function as encouragers as we walk through life together.  But if those of us who are married are honest and are keeping our marriages “best” in mind, we endeavor not to badmouth or bash our husbands but rather ask one another the hard questions, and help one another walk through the difficulties that we face as women and wives.

As I processed our time together, once again, I was reminded of what a great example she was to me in how she processes and maneuvers through difficulties in her marriage.   She’s kind of my hero because she almost always shows grace and kindness to her sweet husband, and when Salsa guy and I have differing views on things I tend to be much more “no nonsense”….perhaps critical and impatient with him.  I so often perceive weakness, flaw and childishness and then get weary and just want to drop-kick him through the goal posts.  HA.  Now that’s a Godly I Corinthians 13 woman for ya!  NOT.   

This particular meeting I was supposed to be functioning as the encourager to her, as she needed a sounding board to process what she was going through.  I don’t know that I helped her much other than to listen, but God sure used her to minister to me.  And isn’t it just like God and His grace to use people when they are struggling and at their weakest to help others?  Because of my friend’s Godly example I walked away with a new conviction to love Salsa Guy less selfishly, and then as I prayed about it God gave me a very clear message that I am to view the act of loving and caring for him as just another act of worshiping the Father.  And isn’t marriage really just another act of worship? Honoring God by our behavior and submitting to His will rather than our own.  HA!….what a concept.  When I view it that way…it’s less about Salsa Guy and more about God…and I think that is going to help me walk through any difficulties better in the future.  It only took 34 years to come up with that one.

It makes me sad that my selfishness often gets in the way of wanting to do the right thing and react in the right way with the person I love most.  But the picture God gave me – showing me that love and patience to the most important person in my life when it is the hardest is the same as sitting in church, raising my hands to the Heavens and singing songs, or listening to a preachers sermon…now that’s revolutionary!  (I’m pretty sure God’s looking down and saying “Big giant duh!”)  I think it will be so much easier to swallow my pride and let down my defenses and show him unconditional love and grace when I view it that way.

It’s interesting…..when I finally figured out that life wasn’t all about me I began to see how flawed I was, in ways that I can’t even begin to imagine.  But I am so grateful that God reveals my flaws and sin to me slowly in small portions.  I continually ask Him to heal my brokenness, and lucky you….now that you’re reading this….you get to watch and see that played out.  I am just so passionately pursuing grace with all my heart in the hopes that I can learn to show it to others….but it’s always hardest at home.  So whether you’re a husband or a wife….keep at it.  Keep pursuing worship in your marriage.  Keep pursuing grace.  And thanks to my sweet friend for being the example.

And I’ll keep praying for our husbands…because even if I may not feel like he is at a particular moment, that Salsa Guy of mine…. he is a gift to me and precious.

 

Posted on

Floaters

Starting a post with a title like that is sure to gain some readers and generate interest, but I promise – this is NOT a post about something that you might find unexpectedly floating in your pool on a warm summer evening. Eeewwwww. No, but I promise you’ll find that this topic eventually winds itself back around to grace.

My sweet mom looked and acted younger than her years, and I made a vow after caring for her in the later years of her life that I would do everything I could in my power to age gracefully like she did.  There’s the G-word again…. grace.  My mom used to say “getting old ain’t for sissies“….a paraphrase from something Art Linkletter once said.  If you don’t know who Art Linkletter is then you probably don’t need to be worrying about aging gracefully, but I’m beginning to understand what she meant.

There’s a phrase I keep bumping into a lot lately that is making my life very uncomfortable, and makes me feel more and more like a sissy.  It’s used most often at medical appointments and usually in the context of describing why something in or on my body is deteriorating or breaking down.  It’s the phrase “as we age“.  It all started when I walked through the golden gates of menopause and began to seek out bio-identical treatments and the wonders of hormonal imbalance were described for me with the opening statement… as we age our bodies stop producing…..well, you get the picture.

Then again, a few years ago when I thought I was going blind.  A big ol’ blur appeared right smack in the middle of my right eye, and I high-tailed it to the ophthalmologist.  This blur appeared out of nowhere when I was driving one day, and then it was gone the next. Was I going crazy? One minute I was asking myself how my vision could have changed so dramatically in such a short time, and then the next I was asking myself if I was just seeing things.  I was wiping spots that weren’t there off of my progressive lenses (progressive is the new hip word for trifocal’s…again, something you get to experience as we age!) and I wasn’t sure if I should be seeing an ophthalmologist or a crazy doctor.

My ophthalmologist is a brainiac, and probably reads the Ophthalmology Quarterly in his spare time, but he did give me good news.  At least I think it’s good news – the news was that I wasn’t crazy.  The bad news was that I suffer from a condition that is pretty common in middle-aged women called floaters.  It always sounds so much more dramatic as we age if you say “suffers from a condition”, doesn’t it?

He explained that floaters in your eyes are basically gel-like thingamabobs called vitreous humor (I find nothing humorous about them) and as we age they thin, detach, and form fibers and float around willy-nilly wherever they darn well please on the surface of your eye.  They’re kind of like ostriches…they have no apparent reason for being here and no purpose other than to cause people to wonder why God invented them.

In trying to keep the moment light-hearted I said to him, “so what you’re saying is that I basically have a big booger floating around on my eye?” The man had no sense of humor (which I find is an imperative quality needed as we age) nor was he amused.  He did inform me that my floater was a bit artistic and beautifully shaped; more wispy than others he had seen and it swirled down and then back up with a trailing tail. How nice. At least I can rest in the knowledge that my floater is a work of art.

Well, I assumed that we could do away with this masterpiece in my eye or auction it off to the highest bidding art collector.  You know….zap it with some cool laser thing or slice it off with an Exacto knife and then list it on Craigslist or something?  No such luck.   Surgery on eye floaters risks the detachment of the retina later on….(wait for it)…as we age…so it’s best to just live with it.

On the up side, the artsy ophthalmologist explained to me that the brain does a really remarkable thing with floaters.  Eventually your brain gets tired of watching the floaters drifting about with nothing important to do all day while it has to work hard, day after day, so it eventually refuses to mentally recognize them or record that they’re there, and you tend not to notice them anymore.  Kind of like accepting the flaw and refusing to make a big deal about it.  My brain apparently isn’t that smart, because that still hasn’t happened to me.

Here’s my thought on floaters and grace.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we all could do that same thing with people? I mean, when we see something in a person that messes with our idea of what ideal is, if only we had the ability to tell ourselves that it’s not all that important to get our panties all tied up in a bunch about, and simply refuse to make them (alias a “floater” in our world) such a big deal.  I know you can’t do that all the time, but in some cases it might just be life changing and save a lot of marriages and friendships.

That would be giving someone something they don’t deserve, right?  Hmmm…that would be the same as grace.  Can we live in a world that does that?  Can we love a God who does that?  He did it for me, so how can I not do it for the person in the cubicle next to me?  Different doesn’t always mean bad.  I say we try to find the good in others around us.  Heck, I mean my floater is tickin’ me off, but hey, at least its artsy!

As a final blow in this aging chapter –  I went to the chiropractor yesterday with various complaints and Dr. Chris (who is barely older than my kids) starts to tell me that when the weather is muggier and the air conditioner is blowing, or the ceiling fan is running all night,…..STOP!  I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO SAY!!!!……yep…he said it…..”as we age our bones are more brittle and susceptible to shifting and aching.”  Sigh.  You’re killing me, doc!   I really wanted to slap the young pup, but since he’s such an awesome chiropractor I decided instead to extend him grace.

Sigh.  I’m still a sissy, but I’m working on it, Mom.