I sat down with a girlfriend the other day and we talked about our husbands. Girlfriends do that, you know. Sorry guys….but we use one another as sounding boards and function as encouragers as we walk through life together. But if those of us who are married are honest and are keeping our marriages “best” in mind, we endeavor not to badmouth or bash our husbands but rather ask one another the hard questions, and help one another walk through the difficulties that we face as women and wives.
As I processed our time together, once again, I was reminded of what a great example she was to me in how she processes and maneuvers through difficulties in her marriage. She’s kind of my hero because she almost always shows grace and kindness to her sweet husband, and when Salsa guy and I have differing views on things I tend to be much more “no nonsense”….perhaps critical and impatient with him. I so often perceive weakness, flaw and childishness and then get weary and just want to drop-kick him through the goal posts. HA. Now that’s a Godly I Corinthians 13 woman for ya! NOT.
This particular meeting I was supposed to be functioning as the encourager to her, as she needed a sounding board to process what she was going through. I don’t know that I helped her much other than to listen, but God sure used her to minister to me. And isn’t it just like God and His grace to use people when they are struggling and at their weakest to help others? Because of my friend’s Godly example I walked away with a new conviction to love Salsa Guy less selfishly, and then as I prayed about it God gave me a very clear message that I am to view the act of loving and caring for him as just another act of worshiping the Father. And isn’t marriage really just another act of worship? Honoring God by our behavior and submitting to His will rather than our own. HA!….what a concept. When I view it that way…it’s less about Salsa Guy and more about God…and I think that is going to help me walk through any difficulties better in the future. It only took 34 years to come up with that one.
It makes me sad that my selfishness often gets in the way of wanting to do the right thing and react in the right way with the person I love most. But the picture God gave me – showing me that love and patience to the most important person in my life when it is the hardest is the same as sitting in church, raising my hands to the Heavens and singing songs, or listening to a preachers sermon…now that’s revolutionary! (I’m pretty sure God’s looking down and saying “Big giant duh!”) I think it will be so much easier to swallow my pride and let down my defenses and show him unconditional love and grace when I view it that way.
It’s interesting…..when I finally figured out that life wasn’t all about me I began to see how flawed I was, in ways that I can’t even begin to imagine. But I am so grateful that God reveals my flaws and sin to me slowly in small portions. I continually ask Him to heal my brokenness, and lucky you….now that you’re reading this….you get to watch and see that played out. I am just so passionately pursuing grace with all my heart in the hopes that I can learn to show it to others….but it’s always hardest at home. So whether you’re a husband or a wife….keep at it. Keep pursuing worship in your marriage. Keep pursuing grace. And thanks to my sweet friend for being the example.
And I’ll keep praying for our husbands…because even if I may not feel like he is at a particular moment, that Salsa Guy of mine…. he is a gift to me and precious.