Spring planting

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Here in No. California we’ve had crazy up-n-down weather patterns.  When it’s supposed to be cold and rainy…it’s been crazy hot and breaking temperature records.  When it’s supposed to be warm and balmy…it’s pouring down rain and blowing 50 mph winds.  Like I said – crazy!  It’s hard to plant or make plans for seeding a new lawn with such unpredictable weather.

I love green grass.  If there is grass next to a sidewalk, I will choose to walk on the grass.  The feel of it under my feet is divine, and a game of touch football on a lush lawn is nothing short of heaven.  That’s why two years ago when our back lawn was infected with a fungus (I’m just gonna go ahead and say it….there was a fungus-amongus!) and it quickly spread down our sloping back lawn and touched everything in its path – I was devastated.  Soon our entire lawn was dying, with a brown rolling wave of withering grass spreading across the entire backyard.  We finally came to the difficult conclusion that we had to kill the whole dang thing in order to replant and grow it again.  Don’t you hate it when that happens?  When you have to purge the old in order to regrow and reinvent something new?  Something better?  There’s a spiritual message right there (II Cor. 5:17) but I’ll continue on.

I felt horribly guilty.  Killing something I loved so much so that it could come back better.   However, we quickly learned that this killing thing wasn’t going to be so easy.  Fungus doesn’t go away without a fight.  We had to resort to killing it over and over again for several months because that pesky fungus kept trying to hide amongst the remnants of the good grass attempting to sprout.  Again, another spiritual message there, but all I can say is them fungi is sneaky lil’ boogers.  Finally, just when we were ready to make plans to reseed the lawn, the California drought caused us to initiate water conservation measures.  That meant no new lawn that spring / summer, and we went through the next year with dead grass and just dirt in our backyard.

At first we felt a bit proud of our barren wasteland.  We had vowed our support for the cause, decided to be good sports about it, and made mud pies out of dirt – that right there  was my literary making lemonade out of lemons attempt.  So we set up horseshoes and baggo, and the Yorkies enjoyed a summer of rolling in the dirt and tracking it into the house.  As our second spring rolled around, our hopes for green were once again dashed with the continued water restrictions (we really need water out here, and thank you, Jesus, that as I write this it’s raining buckets outside!) and so we muddled through a second full summer of dirt, horseshoes, baggo, mudpies and dusty Yorkies.  We hardly went out onto our backyard patio because it was so depressing.

There’s always good that comes from the bad, and as a result of all this time it gave me time and inspiration to come up with a great new landscaping plan to divide our back lawn into two sections – one flat with green grass and the other a raised area with a more drought-tolerant landscape.  So Salsa Guy and I began digging up dirt eight weeks ago, leveling the grass area so that we got rid of the slope that let the fungus travel willy nilly , to and fro, and began tilling the soil and getting rid of rocks before it was time to throw the seed out.

Grass seed is a bit like baby sea turtles.  You saw them on the Bachelor  in the Jamaican sand when Ben and Lauren helped the little guys make it from the beach out to the sea.  Wait….what?  You’re too spiritual to watch the Bachelor?  Don’t judge me – remember this blog is about grace.  Anyway, not all those cute little newborn baby turtles will make it out to their destiny in the ocean, and their journey is a difficult one.  After they hatch, they’re very vulnerable and need to be protected.  Some of them can be eaten by birds, some might be eaten by other sea predators.  Not all that are deposited in the sand by their mother will grow successfully into the adult sea turtles they were designed to be.

And so it is with grass seed.  We knew our seeds had a difficult journey ahead of them. Some of those little seeds would get trampled, or fall under little rocks where not enough sun or water would get to them and they’d never germinate.  Spiritual lesson No. 2 (Luke 8:5-8).  If the wind was blowing, some of the seeds might blow away.  And even though we covered the seed with topper dirt, birds seemed to flock to our backyard to dine on our grass seeds al fresco, trying to thwart my dream for a green backyard once again.  Air soft guns come in handy for battling this, by the way.

So three weeks ago, as I stood with seed in hand, my dreams of grass beneath my feet weighing in the balance, I began to turn the crank on the seed spreader that allowed the little seedlings to fly out onto the fertile ground.  This is sounding more like a dramatic novel by the minute.  I’m not ashamed to say I said a prayer for the perfect blend of sun, rain, air and accurate aim.  I felt like a mother blade of grass…”grow little seedlings…. grow!”

And guess what?  Grow they did!  I’m happy to report that a week or so after our inaugural seeding, tons of little green heads began popping up across our backyard.  You should have seen me – I was like a new mother!  I would run out each morning to see how my little seedlings were doing.  I would talk to them, encouraging them to lean into the light.  I checked the sprinkler system constantly, afraid that my babies might get too much water and drown.  I shot at birds with the accuracy of a marksman, and shoo’d the pups off my newborn lawn.  I even asked my small group to pray for my lawn – I believe God cares about the little things.

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So now here comes the spiritual application – if we’re talking in gardening terms (and Jesus often did), we all need a little opportunity for a “do over” along our journey, don’t you think?  Perhaps getting rid of the old – some withering branches or infected lawn – or perhaps it might be the old way of doing things, and trying a new direction.  Turning away and taking a new path.  God is in the business of recreating us, trimming a little off here to allow for new growth, and even sometimes asking us to change a habit, or a way of thinking, perhaps a sin or even an attitude that is doing us harm.  It’s called pruning (John 15:1-11). But the ultimate payoff is that we grow stronger….better than we were before.  Isn’t that gracious of Him?   He wants us to grow and be better than we were.  Rebirth.  Regrowth.  Renewal.  We don’t often find that in all other relationships, but a Father who loves his children will do that for their benefit.

So we’ve had a successful Spring of planting seeds.  We now have a beautiful green lawn coming in thicker by the day, and Salsa guy and I enjoy just sitting on the patio, looking out over our green kingdom, and sipping special lemonade with our air soft guns in-hand.  How are your seeds doing?  Seeds of change?  Seeds of friendship?  Seeds of patience?  Seeds of kindness?  Seeds of grace for another human being?  Seeds of grace for yourself?  Be sure to care well for those newly planted seeds, because grace is lush and nothing short of heaven when it’s nourished.

The Pace of Grace

I have three friends named Cindy.  Cindy One I’ve known for 28 years and is one of my dearest friends.  She probably has the most dirt on me.  Our kids were more like cousins,  grew up together and were in each others weddings.  Cindy Two I’ve known for 8 years and we’re family now since our kids recently got married.  She’s become way more than just an “in law”….more like a sister.  Cindy Three I met about 5 years ago in Bible Study and we just clicked.  You know the type.  There’s something familiar in them and you just enjoy one another.  We love to hang out together in Youth Group, birthday lunch groups, and we generally support and encourage one another.

Cindy Three is a dynamo – a true “go getter”.  She is always pushing herself, always gathering knowledge, sometimes too hard on herself, always pursuing being better, hard working, talented, always asking questions, and always inquisitive about everything.  She is amazing!  We once went to Disneyland together on a girls weekend and we would often misplace her.  “Where’s Cindy?” was a common phrase used that weekend but we’d usually find her off ahead of us looking at the flowers, or the architecture…walking at marathon speed at least 20 paces in front of us….on a mission to take it all in, never all that interested in idle chit-chat or what ride we were heading to next, but rather enjoying the beauty around her and not satisfied to meander at our snails pace.  Fully engaged and actively pursuing new ideas.  Her husband Nick says she has two speeds…full speed and off.

I can be like that when it comes to living life.   Out in front, paddling like crazy, making things happen, bringing people together, asking questions, pursuing grace….but truth be told it can wear me out.  So why am I always functioning at warp speed? I think it’s because so much of my life was spent living for ME and now that grace is beginning to dawn and make sense to me I want to make up for lost time.  I find myself way too busy sometimes – filling my days with ministry and relationship building and community and loving on those around me.  My friends think I’m crazy – always organizing something or going someplace or caring for someone.  But I’m at that place in life where there are probably a lot more days behind me than there are ahead of me, and I think what motivates that pace is that I don’t want to waste one more day on myself.  Throw my love languages in there too (acts of service and gift giving) and you’ve got a perfect recipe for a burnt-out penniless Sista!  But there’s been this still-small-voice in my head of late that is whispering that I need to slow down and learn how to find balance.

So after ducking the subject and trying to ignore the dove’s voice, God got creative and spoke to me at Cheesecake Factory last week when I had dinner with two dear friends that I taught school with a few years back.  My friend Mags used a phrase that I haven’t been able to shake.  “Going at the pace of grace“.  It’s stuck with me more than the 5 lbs. from the Mocha Chocolate Cheesecake.  It’s been digging under my skin and peeling open scabs that I’ve known are there but have ignored, all pertaining to why I push myself, my schedule, my life at the pace I do.  I understand that nothing I do (works) earns me anything, so how do I manage grace and my pace in this tangible way?  Not that all these other things I do don’t hold value, but if I’m running at break-neck speed I’ll most certainly miss the scenery.  Or have a heart attack.  Well, I think it starts with taking off your track shoes and taking time to be still.

In my search for more going at the pace of grace input, I found that Scotty Smith tweets on the subject of what grace looks like (He’s a Pastor, author, blogger and tweeter, but his credentials on his Facebook say “Husband, dad, friend, big sinner enjoying an even bigger grace, unlikely pastor, wanna-be-musician, writer-at-times, a guy with an odd sense of humor”).  I like him already.  He blogs daily prayers that are so real, and just like the old phrase “You might be a redneck if….”his tweets often start with “A sign you’re growing in grace:…..”.   I just love it.  Simple.  Easy.  Grace.

Here’s the tweet that hit me between the eyes:

 “A sign you’re growing in grace: 
People don’t experience you being as busy, hurried or restless. 
You’re learning the pace of grace.”
 

Ouch.  That’s the opposite of me.  I’m always busy – I’m always hurrying to accomplish something – put on another event – bring more people together – write one more blog (this is actually very therapeutic and a form of worship for me, as God and I work through some things together) – and the stress that I put myself through causes me to be restless.  Yikes.  I think if I were living less busy and more in collaboration with God I would probably accomplish more and it wouldn’t be just about checking boxes off my TO DO list.  I’d be letting God walk those 20 paces ahead of me, leading, and watching to see what He wants me to pursue.  I have so much to learn still about this grace thing.

Hmmm….this is something I’m going to have to look into further.  For now I know I need to slow the pace down a bit. For now I’m going to be a better student of learning to go at the pace of grace.  And I give my three Cindy’s and my Youth Group (see my post dated 5/30/2014) permission to hold me accountable.  Uh oh….I’m in trouble!

Pleasure in the Process

I often get inspiration from other people – whether it comes from a conversation, a book I’ve read, a podcast I’ve listened to, a video I’ve seen, a sermon I’ve heard, or a song that strikes a chord with me and I feel so touched that I have to write about what it means to me.  I come up with plenty of original and creative thoughts, but I’m so grateful for the ideas that come to me because of someone else’s touch on my life, and most of the time I don’t even know these people.  For instance, Sara Groves will write a song like Hello Lord, or Going Home and I’ll be so undone by the words and wonder how she got into my head and heart, lived my life and knew exactly how I felt!  Those words she wrote are MY exact same thoughts….I just didn’t know how to put them together in that way.

Today’s blog is inspired by an interview I saw recently by a young singer named Steffany Gretzinger who spoke about her inspiration for a new album she had recorded.  It was an amazing interview and hit right at the heart of where I believe I am in life.  The interview was about our “undoing“.  That’s where I am these days….in the process of being undone.  Undone of me, myself and I.  It doesn’t happen all at once simply because I like to hold on to all three of those very important people….at least in my own mind they’re pretty important.  There’s “me” again. Ugh.  How does “me” walk hand in hand with grace?  That, too, is part of the undoing.

You may have heard me say that this life of mine is a journey….a process.  Part of that journey is God’s process of undoing us until we are one day reunited with the One who created us – when all the scales have fallen off, the cords and knots wrapping us up have come untangled, and we are undone of ourselves.  Undone of our selfishness.  Undone of our brokenness. Undone of me, myself and I.  Undone of anything that gets in the way putting others first and glorifying the One who created me.  I assumed that would come at the end of my life but Steffany helped me realized that it’s an ongoing un-doneness – it doesn’t just happen when you come sliding in cleats up in the Promise Land.

Learning grace is part of my undoing.  I’ve learned that life lived is an undoing and life lived has seasons.  There will be seasons of brokenness, seasons of joy, seasons of despair, seasons of growth, seasons of being misunderstood, seasons of pleasure, seasons of transformation, and seasons of truth.  And during each season it will hurt when the BandAid peels away those ugly ME scabs with the undoing.  OUCH.  But God will lead us through this sometimes painful process of getting rid of all the things that constipate our life, and when we walk out the other side we will be rid of the ugliness that holds us back from great relationships and being great people, serving and blessing those around us.

Be patient with me – the stuff in this life that trips me up is just temporary.  The flaws you see in me will one day be undone…some sooner than others depending on how “me-ish” I am on a particular day.  At first the unraveling is hidden, but as God goes about the business of working all the kinks out gracefully and I’m being gently unwound all those temporary things will disappear and the eternal things that were born to be most apparent to others will be the only thing left in me after the undoing.

So there you have it.  I’m in the process of being unwound and undone.  If you see me spinning like a top and ugly things flying off – duck and get out of the way….and then throw your arms around me and whisper in my ear “there’s beauty in the process, Kris“.  And just that idea brings me great pleasure for the process that I’m in.  And thanks Steffany for showing me that the Promise Land is found IN the process…not at the end of it.